I thought that I might as well explain what the title of my blog means instead of leaving it as some obscure, artistic-sounding phrase that most people will probably just not pay much attention to. It comes from a song by a band called mewithoutYou called "The King Beetle On a Coconut Estate." Here are the lyrics:
As the moon rose and the hour grew late
The day-help on the coconut estate
Raked up the dried leaves that fell dead from the trees
Which they burned in a pile by the lake
The beetle king summoned his men
And from the top of the rhododendron stem,
"Calling all volunteers who can carry back here
The Great Mystery has been lit once again"
One beetle emerged from the crowd
In a fashionable abdomen shroud
Said, "I'm a professor, you see, that's no mystery to me
I'll be back soon, successful and proud"
But when the beetle professor returned,
He crawled on all six, as his wings had been burned
And described to the finest detail all he'd learned
There was neither a light, nor a heat, in his words
The deeply dissatisfied king
Climbed the same stem to announce the same thing
But in his second appeal sought to sweeten the deal
With a silver padparadscha ring
The lieutenant stepped out from the line
As he lassoed his thorax with twine
Thinking, "I'm stronger and braver and I'll earn the king's favor
One day all he has will be mine"
But for all the lieutenant's conceit
He too returned singed and admitting defeat
"I had no choice, please believe, but retreat
It was bright as the sun, but with ten times the heat
And it cracked like the thunder and bloodshot my eyes
Though smothered with sticks, it advanced undeterred
Carelessly cast an ash cloud to the sky, my lord
Like a flock of dark vanishing birds"
The beetle king slammed down his fist
"Your flowery description's no better than his!
We sent for the great light and you bring us this?
We didn't ask what it seems like, we asked what it is!"
His majesty's hour at last is drawn nigh
The elegant queen took her leave from his side
Without understanding, but without asking why
She gathered their kids to come bid their goodbyes
And the father explained, "You've been somewhat deceived
You've all called me your dad, but your true Dad's not me
I lay next to your mom and your forms were conceived
Your Father's the light within all that you see
He fills up the ponds as He empties the clouds
Holds without hands and He speaks without sounds
He provides us with the cow's waste and coconuts to eat
Giving one that nice salt taste, and the other its sweet
Sends the black carriage the day death shows its face
Thinning our numbers with kindness and grace
And just as a flower and its fragrance are one
So must each of you and your Father become
Now distribute my scepter, my crown, and my throne
And all we've known as wealth to the poor and alone"
Without further hesitation, without looking back home
The king flew headlong into the blazing unknown
And as the smoke ring hurled higher and higher
The troops flying loops around the telephone wires
They said, "Our beloved's not dead, but his highness instead
Has been utterly changed into fire"
Why not be utterly changed into fire?
Why not be utterly changed into fire?
Why not be utterly changed into fire?
Why not be utterly changed into fire?
Sorry that was so long, I promise my future blog posts will be shorter/have more pictures/be more interesting. Here's a picture of a beetle for you to make it a little better:
I wish I could go into a full analysis of the song because it's one of my favorites lyrically, but that would take forever to read. The basic message of the song is that you'll never really be satisfied with your understanding of the fire (God) if you just rely on other people's descriptions/experiences of it. To truly be fulfilled by your knowledge of the fire, it means it must be the knowledge that comes from personal experience: flying headlong into the blazing unknown.
The bible says that true personal experience with and fulfillment in God can only come when we die to ourselves. Jesus himself said that "whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it" (Matthew 16:25). The whole concept of dying to self is something that I feel God has really been putting on my heart lately, and it has a lot to do with going to Honduras too (if you just randomly found this blog, I'm going to be volunteering at a place called Orphanage Emmanuel in Honduras this summer). I know that some of you are upset about me being away for like three months straight, and believe me, it will be very difficult for me to be away from all of you for that long as well. It's also gonna be pretty hard for me to go to a foreign country where I don't know anyone since I can be a pretty shy person at times, but I am very confident that this is what God wants me to do.
I don't want what I want; I want what He wants, even if that hurts.
Of course, that's an easy thing to say and a much harder thing to actually experience. However, I'm finally beginning (emphasis on beginning) to understand and accept the implications of a statement like that, and God is teaching me to really trust in Him. God's plan is infinitely better than mine, and His promises are true. He won't let me or you or anyone else lose their life for Him and not then reward them with the true life that comes only from Him. So the question still remains:
Why not be utterly changed into fire?
p.s. You should go listen to "I Belong" by Foxes Have Foxholes, it explains how I feel pretty well. You can even download it for free (and legally!) at noisetrade.com.
